i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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