So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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