Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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