The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
