I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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