No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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