I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
