Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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