I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
