Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
