maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
