Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
