Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
