I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
