Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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