So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
there is puke in my bra ... again
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