did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize