tell your sister to shave her snatch
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
In America we eat man semen.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
