belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
