You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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