Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
