quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
