I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
