No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
