Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
