Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
two words...techno handjob
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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