butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
