Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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