You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
