1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
