a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
