you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
