you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
