Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize