I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
