I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
