cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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