Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
