Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
