Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
3pm strippers are depressing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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