U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
