Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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