sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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