Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
