I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
