You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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