Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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