Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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