I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
