Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
