If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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