she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize