Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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