yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's shark week go big or go home
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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