the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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