Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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