I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm really into asian looking animals
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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