I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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