You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
