the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
