At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
