Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
