i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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