My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
