Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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