I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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