you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
