nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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