I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
